i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
