im six kinds of drunk right now
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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