i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
