Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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