you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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