okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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