I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
