Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
