Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
