dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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