he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
