i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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