watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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