i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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