i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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