i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
