my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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