We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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