you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
