it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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