i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
