I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
