dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
