The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
