After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i came on her dog
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
