trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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