I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
