mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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