i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
