He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
is it fun? or sober?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
