So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
