Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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