2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
