I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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