Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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