This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
