He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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