She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
