Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We named our party play list daddy issues
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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