I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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