At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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