im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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