You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
