Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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