Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
