Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We're too hungover to prance.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
