just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Mom said you looked used
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I smell like Dick and happiness
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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