ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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