Whod you bang
the condom got lost in my hair
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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