Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize