Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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