I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
