he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize