bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
