so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
