His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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