The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
