this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You smell like stripper and shame
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
