Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You made out with two different species that night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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