peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it hurts more in the daytime
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the day after is always just damage control
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
