I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
