is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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