A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
