my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You ruined the universe
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
