Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
where are my eyebrows?
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