Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
