Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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