It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
