My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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