just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
