You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
